"The Red Bull has passed down this aisle long ago, and covered their can-prints," said Bryan, Assistant Manager.
"Unicorn energy drink is a myth," said Grumpy Old Guy who ID's Everybody.
Maggie, a new customer at SA, was quoted as saying, "Why couldn't I have found this energy drink when I was young? WHY?!?"
"Unicorn energy drink can still be found by those who are pure of heart, although many believe it to be KMX," said Cool Amish Guy. "You know - Watermelon Suck."
King Haggard was unavailable for comment, but his recent press kit has listed Unicorn energy drink as "the only thing that makes me happy."