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01 April 2003 @ 06:26 am
Red Bull Displaces Unicorn Energy Drink  
(ST PAUL, MN) At the Snelling/Portland SuperAmerica, the influx of "King Haggard"-style Red Bull has taken up all the shelf space previously occupied by Unicorn energy drink.

"The Red Bull has passed down this aisle long ago, and covered their can-prints," said Bryan, Assistant Manager.

"Unicorn energy drink is a myth," said Grumpy Old Guy who ID's Everybody.

Maggie, a new customer at SA, was quoted as saying, "Why couldn't I have found this energy drink when I was young? WHY?!?"

"Unicorn energy drink can still be found by those who are pure of heart, although many believe it to be KMX," said Cool Amish Guy. "You know - Watermelon Suck."

King Haggard was unavailable for comment, but his recent press kit has listed Unicorn energy drink as "the only thing that makes me happy."
XCorvisxcorvis on April 1st, 2003 08:37 am (UTC)
They had Watermellon Suck in the mini-bar in our room at the Mirage.
truth without proofchronicfreetime on April 1st, 2003 11:25 am (UTC)
So "Unicorn Energy Drink" is probably just brine, then....
Hoc Est Qui Sumusdiscoflamingo on April 1st, 2003 09:16 pm (UTC)
Well, somebody gets the reference . . .
Thanks, yo.

And I'm half-convinced that Red Bull IS some bizarre, Austrian brine.
truth without proofchronicfreetime on April 1st, 2003 10:37 pm (UTC)
Re: Well, somebody gets the reference . . .
Yeah, I think I read the book within the last year.

Red Bull seems to me like something you would find in a hospital supply closet. It just smells too artificial to be meant for routine human consumption.
Jennyguipago on April 2nd, 2003 08:17 pm (UTC)
Re: Well, somebody gets the reference . . .
Well, Duh. :)

I spent half of my evening yesterday laughing so hard it hurt then running to take drugs all because of you :)

You rock.

Oυτιςerragal on April 1st, 2003 12:48 pm (UTC)
I want some OK soda.
It doesn't have to be great.
It doesn't have to be good.
It just has to be OK.
la femme stygian: Chasedgunn on April 1st, 2003 12:53 pm (UTC)
They're multiplying! They must be clones!
ninja in the shadows: evil edseiryu_16 on April 1st, 2003 11:00 pm (UTC)
I just got what you're referencing, and I haven't even SEEN that movie.
Or read the book. IF there is a book.
I think geek knowledge is beginning to spread over a kind of communal-knowledge link or something. Craziness.
lyght on April 2nd, 2003 11:24 am (UTC)
Holy flyin' fuck!
Doc -- did you write this yourself or did you get it from the Onion??? This fucking rocks!!!

...It's also why I've always had mixed feelings about drinking Red Bull...
Hoc Est Qui Sumusdiscoflamingo on April 2nd, 2003 03:47 pm (UTC)
Re: Holy flyin' fuck!
That would be all me, baby. Yeah - I felt pretty proud for , like, 5:30 in the morning.