Hoc Est Qui Sumus (discoflamingo) wrote,
Hoc Est Qui Sumus

COMAP MCM Over, 9 Dead, Countless Injured

ST PAUL,MN -(AP)- In the wake of the COMAP Mathematical Contest in Modelling , experts estimate that "fatalities are hanging steady at 9, what with the three teams and all, but countless more are injured." This quote comes, of course, from Phineas Phogg, of Phogg Research, who has been studying the mental and physiological effects of 96-hour problem-solving competitions on adult humans for the last 23 years.

"I can't believe the wounded are still responding to human contact," said a dazzled Phogg, upon examining the shell-shocked body of an Art History Major who accidentally glanced at the perl code of the late W. Owens, a team member attempting to solve Problem B. It is estimated that in the first 48 hours alone, E. Slivken, N. Lindgren, and W. Owens lost 4.5 pints of blood each, entirely through the sweat glands in their forehead. Loved ones and acquaintances of all levels of closeness were affected, ranging from N. Lindgren's mother, who can no longer pronounce the letter B, to O. Landgren's pet rat, which has spontaneously assumed vampiric powers.

"They will be missed, but their hastily-thrown-together-at-the-last-minute report will echo throughout eternity," said Phogg, wearing an arc-welding mask to shield his pathetically human eyes from the insanity-inducing font and bright text selected in the 11th hour by the team of Macalester seniors.


  • It's Two Minutes to Midnight, If Anyone Cares

    21:27 Currently looking for a Sousa march that says "I Am a Dashing, Sexy Pirate!". How did my life end up here? #Automatically shipped by…

  • Good sing-along songs?

    O Gentle Readers! I am trying to come up with good songs to practice on my acoustic guitar. Ideally, they are the type of songs that are fun to sing…

  • It can always look up

    Remember: the man who played Richard M. Nixon in Frost/Nixon is the same man who played Skeletor in The Masters of the Universe.

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.