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30 August 2009 @ 11:54 am
Dream: The Long Spy Mission Home  

We begin standing in a foggy, craggy desert ripped from the opening scene of Doctor Who's "Genesis of the Daleks". Myself and two other people in traditional ninja outfits (with burqas on top to blend in with the locals) look upon the second Alhambra fortress (we are in Utah), the object of our spy mission. As we enter the main hall, we can see that portions of the floors have had hexagonal holes cut out with land mines set inside (they are land mines because they have "Land Mine" printed on one side and have a large blinking red light with "ARMED" printed next to it). My first comrade suggests we destroy them - I point out that the land mines are in plain sight, easy to walk around, and that their bright red lights helps illuminate the room. She explains to me that, as ninjas, it is our civic duty to destroy land mines wherever we find them - a child, or a blind ninja, could step on them inflitrating this fortress. Yielding to her logic, we begin flinging hexagonal tiles into the holes to detonate the mines. The mines detonate pitifully, and at one point we step on a pile of tiles over a mine just so it will detonate enough to be disarmed. The second comrade says, "Okay - proceed to the locker room!".

We make our way to the next room, a high school locker room made of carved from basalt with filigreed platinum fittings. Stalactites, occasionally illuminated by internal purple light, illuminate the 60' vaulted ceiling. The floor is littered with half-broken crates - the room seems to stretch on to the vanishing point. "Okay - we each have something to get - let's get it and get out, before the hall monitors show up!", says comrade one. I make my way to the fifth row of lockers, where I pry open an unbroken crate. Inside is an envelope containing somebody's prom pictures (a pimply-faced dork and his robotic geisha), a series of emerald scarves, a blank passport from Robonia, and a cashier's check for $48,000 made out "Mr. Raul Lucky". I pocket the check and the passport inside my burqa, and call out, "Got it - to the airport!".

Taking the hallway to our right, we arrive on D concourse of an airport made entirely of concrete. Our flight has been delayed, and I get a call from nemoren - she's at the airport, and I should come quickly because gunn is going into labor. I rush over to their concourse, which is difficult, because the airport is nothing but bare concrete, not even signs. I palpate gunn's abdomen and listen with my stethoscope, and tell her she is having Braxton-Hicks contractions. She punches me solidly in the face, and tells me we need to get her to a hospital. Going past my previous concourse, my comrades jump us - it seems that they found my valuables in a golden chest I had left them in, and they were on to my plan. While we are fighting, I explain that I'm not aware of the plan, but that may be part of the mind wiping procedure. We manage to knock out the confederates, and gunn yells - "Quick! There's a mall in this hallway - we can hide in there!".

Stepping into the mall (which seems to be a MoA type establishment), gunn informs us that she's all out of karate, and she's going to need two more boxes if we get in another fight. We arrive at a store called "In a Box", and gunn quickly walks in and out, emerging with two white cereal boxes that have the word "Karate" on the side in a bold sans serif font. I look away, and when I look back, the boxes are gone, and I know gunn's karate is restored. gunn's labor gets worse - we open a sewer grate and descend a ladder. This ladder wraps around as monkey bars over a pit of glowing green ooze - nemoren says something about ninja turtles, and we climb the ladder over and up to the top floor of a mansion which I know on Summit Ave. It looks the same, except for the obsidian which radiates multi-colored light ("they put it in after the war", I tell myself). We hide in a closet, just as a six-year-old boy is sent to this room. We explain that we need to get out of the house, and he says he won't betray us to his powerful father if we play Uno with him. nemoren decides to play, and I leave the room and descend the stairs to find a way out of the house without being seen. I make it outside, but realize i have no shoes. Walking away, Uriah comes out of the house with my shoes, and invites me back inside. He points out that we're in a mansion of a very powerful man - he does this by holding up a playing card which features Mr. Holloway from a card game called "Powerfuf People Trying to Rule the World" from a game already in progress. He tells me I should stay - there's a party here, and even the leisure class is invited.

gunn tells me that she believes me now about the contractions, and introduces me to a woman she knows who should like me. The woman starts kissing me, and my friends wander off. Some minutes of making out later, I find out this woman's name is Narissa, and I try to get Narissa's number and give her mine, except my fountain pen doesn't write on the paper very well at all. Uriah starts saying that we need to leave - it turns out that gunn is having real contractions now. I try to call nemoren on my speed-dial, but the language on my phone has been changed to Czech, and I end up calling one of my coworkers in Brno, who is afraid to know how I got his home number. Then a large, blonde man walks up behind me and explains that I already know too much, and I need to be "put down". We get in a very stupid fight, which ends in the bathroom, in which I am holding his neck with one elbow trying to put him in a sleeper hold, and trying to knock him out with a can of Aquanet, which he keeps telling me is not heavy enough to knock him out. I slap my head with my free hand, and pick up the antique fire extinguisher lying parallel to the bathtrub and ding him in the back of his head with the bottom of the extinguisher. He lies down very slowly, and insists in a monotone voice that I did not succeed in rendering him unconscious, he's just laying down here because it hurts very much, and because I tried so hard to knock him out. He says he feels I earned five minutes of lying down, and he's tired.

I attempt to make my escape, and Mr. Holloway's guards Vulcan nerve-pinch me and I wake up in a metal dentist chair with restraints. There is a large transparency projector in front of me, and my eyes are held open with tape. Men in Nazi dentist suits project some of my old standardized tests onto a screen, asking me to explain the stray marks from various standardized tests I have taken throughout my life. There is also a presentation about how bad my hand-writing is, and why that might be. When we have finished, I am let out to the surface, in which I am greeted by Mr. Holloway. I hand him the cashier's check and passport (for his collection of blank passports), and he tells me that he's okay with me learning Czech, because I know how to follow rules. Then fayde shows up and tells me that gunn had the baby already, but I probably don't want to see him in this state. I ask if the child is a boy - she says no, it's a girl ("you know - with a penis?") which I should have known from taking his ultrasound. Then she asks me why I'm still using the old pronouns - that should have been fixed when they wiped my mind. Narissa arrives and is pleased that I can learn Czech now (apparently she is Czech), and fayde says that if I don't know about the pronouns, I probably haven't read this. She hands me an official-looking diagram which is a recent announcement that people can not have sex in groups of less than four, because of electricity rationing.

And then I wake up.

The past is prologuenemoren on August 30th, 2009 06:33 pm (UTC)
I hope you're planning to bring a few boxes of karate to the new place, because I'm plumb out.
Hoc Est Qui Sumusdiscoflamingo on August 31st, 2009 03:35 am (UTC)
Plum or plumb? I've never been able to tell.

And of course - I keep some karate in the cupboard, next to the quinoa.
Gostor of Waffle: cornkaulis on September 6th, 2009 02:19 am (UTC)
That's a Keeper!
I love the pseudo-dovetailing of the Czech guy into the mindwipe into the "now you can learn Czech" into the gender pronouns into the "people can not have sex in groups of less than four, because of electricity rationing."

❀✯ L.E. Arroway ✭✈: ferretlyght on August 30th, 2009 07:21 pm (UTC)
Dude. WTH did you eat for dinner last night, and where can I get some?
Hoc Est Qui Sumusdiscoflamingo on August 31st, 2009 03:34 am (UTC)
I wish I could tell you - Chantix or more than 8 hours on the C-PAP may be the reasons for this one. I've recorded every crazy awesome dream I've had on LJ - there are not a lot of them.
la femme stygiangunn on August 30th, 2009 07:22 pm (UTC)
Best part of the dream:
He lies down very slowly, and insists in a monotone voice that I did not succeed in rendering him unconscious, he's just laying down here because it hurts very much, and because I tried so hard to knock him out. He says he feels I earned five minutes of lying down, and he's tired.
Hoc Est Qui Sumusdiscoflamingo on August 31st, 2009 03:39 am (UTC)
Re: Best part of the dream:
It's a great part! He was very hectoring in the dream, like he wouldn't bother to modulate his tone.

The you-being-pregnant thing wasn't too weird, right? Because it seemed very natural in the dream. Like the dream where scathach became a vampire, and we were worried about whether her union was going to black-ball her because of her lower health deductible.

I guess what I'm saying is that I don't know what to say about my dream relationship to pregnancy viz a vis vampirism.
la femme stygiangunn on August 31st, 2009 06:23 am (UTC)
Re: Best part of the dream:
It's not weird unless you make it weird. I love dreams, but take little stock in them outside of themselves. I was pregnant in your dream! I've been pregnant in dreams before, some of them, mine- it doesn't usually mean anything.
la femme stygiangunn on August 31st, 2009 06:24 am (UTC)
Re: Best part of the dream:
I seriously laughed aloud when I read about the guy laying down because it hurts very much.
Musicin68musicin68 on August 31st, 2009 02:46 am (UTC)
:D Just reading that wore me out. How in the world do you get any rest when you sleep?
Hoc Est Qui Sumusdiscoflamingo on August 31st, 2009 03:33 am (UTC)
I don't dream often, but when I do, I go all-out :-)
like a hundred billion hot dogs: windhalf_double on August 31st, 2009 07:17 pm (UTC)
Man. I wanna live in your dreams.
beltramgregor on September 1st, 2009 10:15 pm (UTC)
All you people with your remembering of your dreams. You're all weirdos.
Rosamundrosa_mundi on September 2nd, 2009 04:00 am (UTC)