When I was in high school, I would always walk away. Dances, friend's gatherings - people would get really worried. When people got close, I pushed away. I pushed harder, and harder, until they left me alone. They hated me for it. They were right to - it was selfish and unreasonable. That's neurosis - re-making the world in your own image, because your perceived reality of the world is too much to take. It is a righteous arrogance. I couldn't envision a world in which people actually cared about me. So I made myself a world where people never knew me enough to care about me to any great depth, (or only with extended effort) or I offended them enough to stay at arms' length.
People never get close to me, because I never let people get close. I don't really know how to let them, and I wasn't ready to admit that I knew nothing about something so fundamental to being human. (The idea that I should be perfect is a big factor in all of this) I'm ready to be not perfect. I'm ready to learn.
That's all I have to say about that, for now.
