Hoc Est Qui Sumus (discoflamingo) wrote,
Hoc Est Qui Sumus

On the subject of my remains

I don't often think about how I want my remains to be handled after I shuffle off this mortal coil. But occasionally, an article pops up on the web, and I am reminded that I have an ordered list of preferred ways I want my remains to be handled upon death:

  1. If Ray Kurzweil is not a nut, and the Singularity is nigh, I won't have to worry. I'm not so sure about that.

  2. Three Words: Cyborg reanimation experiments.

  3. In the event that I died during a zombie apocalypse, my body should be burned in a way no different than any other zombie - the mass funeral pyres which are certain to follow are not too good for me.

  4. In the event that this was not the direct cause of my death, my body should be fed to an enormous herd of velociraptors. If velociraptors do not exist, being fed to any other primarily meat-eating dinosaur(s) will do.

  5. In the totally lame future in which I die and there are NO FUCKING DINOSAURS, my body should be eaten by Dermestidae

  6. The one from the article.

  7. Cremation.

  8. Whatev.

Note that any of my organs still viable before the handling should be donated to anyone who needs them, if this is still a problem society has. If there is a skeleton left after any of these events, I would like it to be used in an elaborate prank before it is donated to science.

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