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Hoc Est Qui Sumus
discoflamingo
15 September 2007 @ 01:06 pm
Damn you, "Mountain Time"  
  • I don't know WHEN I AM anymore!

  • MSP has a tram? Well . . . shit.

  • The Denver International Airport is the most logical airport I have ever been in. Vaguely futuristic, except for the tent motif surrounding the outside. It also has a bar called "The Smoker's Lounge", where I bought a shot of Jameson and a coke, and the coke cost me more, because it wasn't booze. Apparently, there's a lot to drink about when you're smoking a mile above sea level.

  • The futuristic part of DIA? Rental car pick-up has been lumped under "Ground Transportation", in a font which makes wheeled, gasoline-powered vehicles sound fucking archaic.

  • On the shuttle to Alamo, two elderly gentlemen were discussing how "what happens in Colorado stays in Colorado, because it's boring".

  • WHERE ARE YOUR TREES, COLORADO? IN YOUR OTHER PANTS?

  • Reason number 2,408 to stop smoking: Being a mile above sea level

  • Got a "free upgrade" from "two door economy Chevy rustbucket" to "2006 VW Rabbit". By "free upgrade" I mean the valet "really don't have time to drive that intermediate shit back to section b-what-the-fuck" (his words, not mine).

  • The coolest thing about the Rabbit? The keys are from ANOTHER TIME. They're flat, quadrilateral metal things with GROOVES carved into the middle of them - the edges are straight. They fold into the keyless entry, and swings out like a switchblade at the touch of a button. I am driving a FUTURE CAR. I wish I brought my camera.

  • Writing from a T-Mobile hotspot (which I will never use again) at a Starbucks in Golden, which is not Denver in exactly the same way St. Anthony Village is not Roseville, Columbia Heights, Brooklyn Park, or Minneapolis. The really creepy part about Golden is how I haven't had any trouble finding things, because they have all the same stores as St. Anthony Village. I'm not kidding.

  • Rise of the Silver Surfer? Way better than I thought it would be. Loved Laurence Fishburne. Galactus is not nanites. The End!

  • When I think Denver, I don't think "every menu in every restaurant will have Hispanic food on it". Consider my experience broadened.

  • Good Times? Applejack? Conoco with a K? What the hell, Colorado?
 
 
Current Location: Coloradon Suburbanite Hell
Current Music: Jon Coulton - First of May
 
4 comments | Leave a comment
 
4 comments —
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Abra SWcloudscudding on September 15th, 2007 07:34 pm (UTC)
Consider this encouragement to write as many travelogues as you like, because they are amusing.
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prof_vencireprof_vencire on September 16th, 2007 02:09 am (UTC)
Man, I loved that bit about the old people and the force that keeps things in Colorado: Boredom.

Second, mundanely, I want to drive something with future keys that flick out like a goddamn illegal stabbing simple machine. Abstractly, I want to drive a giant fucking robo-mammal that I have to stab in the neck with future keys that flick out like a goddamn illegal stabbing simple machine. I want its "engine revving" sound to be the sound of a rabbit screaming. I want to scar children for life as I drive by.

Hey, Fishburne. And then, man, I got to thinking. What if Galactus is what happens when a nanite gets really really fat? First it goes from nanoscopic to microscopic to ... scopic to macroscopic to MEGASCOPIC. YEAH. FUCKIN' FATTIES! That's what happens when you can eat fuckin' EVERYTHING. Jesus.
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McRunsWithWolvestrickygrin on September 16th, 2007 04:15 am (UTC)
my beetle has keys like that...they're a pain in the ass. it costs like a million buckaroos to copy 'em
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Hoc Est Qui Sumusdiscoflamingo on September 19th, 2007 04:04 am (UTC)
Zoids! Buckazoids!
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