I think you will find that your feeble Earth humor is lost on me.

my question to you is how the hell did you loose your first cage??

Also, do you actually need a cage or would a platter do?

I lost it because it accidentally made its way into some of the recyclable metal in the mass exodus of computer stuff from the Alan/Doc apartment. The main reason I need a cage is because I already have two hard drives installed in my computer - they're just in the spot between #3 and #4 in the diagram. I don't know if there's another method to replace it.

What do you mean by "platter"? I would like to connect two SATA hard drives into the tiny god.

This thing is the only thing I can find that seems remotely close to what I'm looking for, but I can't tell if it replaces the cage or the other thing.

It's kind of nice to know I'm not alone.

the rack would replace your cage... i am not sure what you mean by the other thing.

I am a tad confused. Are the drives already installed and functional in your computer? What is holding them to the spot between 3 and 4 and why is that not satisfactory method for housing them?

I already have two E-IDE drives in that spot. That's the current problem.

then the rack referenced at the top of this thread should be exacly what you need. Provided the metal cage is all you lost in the merger. (I am assuming you still got the controllers for the drives et al.)
Otherwise, this

I have the rack mentioned at the top of the thread - that took a while to find out. I think your suggestion is what I'm going to end up going with.

And so I have. In 5-8 business days, we'll find out if it works like it should.

Also, the website you found it on has a shitty back-end.

never bought a thing there. they looked shady ;)

And since I forgot to mention it earlier, you're totally getting a cookie.

and by a cookie, you mean, i own your soul now ...

I can't be of help really, except to suggest contacting the company. But I did want to ask you how you like that case, it's on my list of possible cases for when I build one and I was just looking for an opinion since you gots one.

Of all the cases I own, this one is the easiest to change hardware in, by far. Everything makes sense, you require very few tools to do anything, and there is USB on the front. If you're an idiot and lose the hard drive cage, then you can only fit two hard drives comfortably, but I think that's an isolated problem.

Truth be told, I don't know if the price tag justifies the convenience, but it's a sexy, sexy beast.