Hoc Est Qui Sumus (discoflamingo) wrote,
Hoc Est Qui Sumus

What I did during the LJ power outage

Some of you may be familiar with this article about chemical weapons being developed by the US DoD for use in combat situations. Most famous was the homosexual aphrodisiac, which was concocted primarily for the purpose of upsetting troop morale among the macho men that we fight every day. While that is a very telling statement on the DoD's part, and others have commented on it, I would like to draw your attention to this sentence:

"Other ideas included chemical weapons that attract swarms of enraged wasps or angry rats to troop positions, making them uninhabitable."

Let us consider the first word, "attract". This word seems to imply that in many battle zones there are clusters of wasps and rats in various stages of anger and enragement. Understandably, the horror of war has taken a grisly toll on their psyches, and the wasps and rats are grouping together for comfort and support. Possibly, the wasps and rats were living peaceful lives of domestic tranquility until a chemical pheromone unleashed some sort of primal fury from within the core of their beings. This is unlikely, given that the wasps and rats seem to be, from the context of this sentence, already in a state of rage or anger. We will now consider what it might take to enrage a wasp and anger rats, chemically.

If you throw a rock at a wasp net, the wasps will come out and attack you, presumably enraged. One must wonder what it would take to chemically enrage a wasp. If you're standing right there spouting out sweat and human smells that the wasps have learned to associate (through the channels of their rudimentary civilization) with punk kids and homeowners who are trying to gut the nest from the inside out, that's a no-brainer from the wasp's perspective - there's a human being standing outside that the smells can be attributed to. Suppose that there was just this bizarre smell of human, and no human? Wasps use pheromones to communicate with each other - they leave little trails of stories, like "wasp 576C claims there's food at the end of this trail", and "intruder trying to attack the queen, wasp 34W in pursuit". Imagine that you are a wasp, and you come across a trail that says "nest has been burned down, queen in danger, fly around like an idiot until this message wears off". If you did, I imagine you would be pretty enraged - obviously some punk wasp just "sprayed wolf" all around the nest to fuck with all y'all, and it's time to beat him down. It is possible that the message could be more subtle, like "we can always eat your kids", or "your mom was a worker". Most wasps have probably learned to shrug these sorts of insulting chemicals off, and they would be of little use in encouraging them to make a living space uninhabitable.

The argument for rats flows naturally out of the argument for wasps and several viewings of The Secret of N.I.M.H., and is left as an exercise for the reader.

In the Middle Ages, a sound strategy for causing discomfort and disease among your enemies was to catapult rat-filled garbage behind your enemy's walls. I'm not sure if that violates the Geneva convention, but it seems a hell of a lot simpler than developing wasp-enraging and attracting chemicals that may or may not also affect rats. The DoD seems to want total control over these animals, and the gamers among you already know what I'm going to say - what the DoD really needs right now is a PHB, They could save themselves a lot of time by embedding 12th level druids and going from there.

Also, I have a new phone now. Number is the same, but many of your numbers are not in it. E-mail me your number (or leave me a message) if you want to be safe.

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