Hoc Est Qui Sumus (discoflamingo) wrote,
Hoc Est Qui Sumus
discoflamingo

How to make a Doom Movie that will Surprise Everyone and Fans Might Watch

1. Play through the game, write down what happens. This is your storyboard - don't fuck with it.
2. Adapt the storyboard to your script.
3. Notice that there is no dialogue, nor shots from anywhere other than first-person. Let the marine grunt; maybe have some pan-outs from far away.
4. You're thinking about fucking with it - stop it, you idiot.
5. Get Jean-Jacques Annaud to make it like a first-person version of The Bear, but with about a thousand times more violence.
6. Win a Palmes D'or at Cannes - surprise the shit out of everybody.
7. Profit Handsomely.

Don't do what this guy did. What an idiot.
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