December 2nd, 2003

Mystic

The Process of Transparent Thoughts

The analogy is more clear for the OS student - thoughts in my head are daemon processes, competing for shared resources like time, memory, and cycles. Occasionally, they sleep - but more often they fight like mad, spewing out random log files that I can barely sift through without steady concentration. I've been getting better about managing the log files - but there's only so much you can see at once.

Some time, not too long ago, I felt like I became my thoughts - which is not exactly true, but it's close. I felt as though they were transparent to me - like the proverbial "black box" made clear. I could see their workings, until habit made their individual actions second nature. I no longer puzzled with the idea of how I thought - I simply knew how I thought. I found that I could set up initial questions (conditions) that resulted in answers I wanted.

If I seem a little odd lately, this would be a large part of it. I don't find it as much liberating as I do frightening. Something happened to me, and I'm not really sure what it is. I've been thinking (opaquely) about it for some time.