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Hoc Est Qui Sumus
04 November 2002 @ 01:08 am
I have this thing I like to call "the disease", otherwise known as Clinical Depression, which has been treated, in general with antidepressants such as Effexor. If I forget to take one, like I did today, I get to take "The Ride" that happens when psychiatric drugs attack.

I like to think that I am a Nurturing Male, constantly confronted by the Just Friends Syndrome in others, but I put more stock every day in The Bastard Theory that Women Prefer Assholes. I mean, Even Hitler had a Girlfriend.

I know what you're thinking, and I don't even want to hear you say it, because the truth is that you don't. I don't want you to. When I'm dead, I don't want anybody to mourn me, I don't want anybody to care. Because that's exactly how I feel right now. You're stupid for even giving one shit about some worthless fuck like me.
 
 
Current Music: Yoko Kanno - Memory
 
 
Hoc Est Qui Sumus
04 November 2002 @ 02:59 am
Sometimes I just need to wallow in my own self-pity. Sometimes I just need to feel worthless and unloved. Sometimes I think that's who I am.

Sometimes I'm not so sure.

Sometimes I feel like I'm watching another person. Sometimes, I think I'm right.
 
 
 
Hoc Est Qui Sumus
04 November 2002 @ 04:09 pm
I am now fully conscious. I woke up at 9:00 this morning and couldn't move. My neck would rebel every time my body tried to move. So I got out of bed anyway, to take a shower, and spent the next fifteen minutes dry-heaving on the ground.

That was when I decided I should sleep a little longer.

I think I'll be okay now. Horrible, horrible dreams, that I don't even remember. What a world, what a world . . .