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14 April 2004 @ 12:01 pm
Your One-Stop Guide to Zombie-Killing  
Most intelligent readers regard the idea of a sustained outbreak of zombie attacks much like the idea of the Olsen twins starring in hard-core pornography - while widely regarded by domain experts as statistically unlikely (in both theory and practice), a documented incident would hold grave implications for the future of civilization as we know it.
---discoflamingo, January 19, 2004

In January of 2004, I went through the lessons I've learned about killing zombies, and surviving a zombie outbreak. Some of you seemed to like that, so, collected in one spot, are all of the zombie-related LJ Polls, discussions, and expositions on vanquishing the restless dead.

Poll: Zombie Readiness Exercise #1/4 - Bludgeoning Weapons

Poll: Zombie Readiness Exercise #2/4 - Piercing/Slashing Weapons

Poll: Zombie Readiness Exercise #3/4 - Firearms/Heavy Weapons

Poll: <insert name here> will tear us apart

Exposition: Zombie-killing Weapons Round-Up and FAQ

Poll: Zombie Readiness Exercise #4/4 - Domain Knowledge

Exposition: Zombie Domain Knowledge Answers, and Readiness Exercise Wrap-up
Thothaaron_foss on April 14th, 2004 09:52 pm (UTC)
Better late than never
I already posted this to the 'wrap-up' post, but I thought I'd cross-post it here... mostly so people actually see it :)

I missed most of this the first time around, but as many of you are probably aware; I loathe the undead... and for all intents and purposes that includes zombies (regardless of their origins or physiology).

Love, Sharks, or Zombies?

Already covered, not a big fan of swimming, and I won't let zombies tear me apart.

As one would expect of any long-time zombie-loather such as myself, I took the questions quite seriously, and thought about the practical side of things; ease of use; possible use as tools; relative safety; ability to acquire, carry, and maintain; etc.

Sturdy. Able to puncture skulls or simply bludgeon them into pulp (causing massive brain trauma). Failry light and compact. Decent reach. Can be used as a tool.

Not a great weapon, but it can do in a pinch, particularly in narrow confines where wide swinging motions are impractical. I'm assuming a military-grade combat knife (SOG, KA-BAR, etc.), which makes this one of the most important survival tools in your arsenal. Practically indestructible. I used to sell these things for a living... they really are as good as they're cracked up to be.

Small and sturdy. Heavy blade for taking off heads when a zombie has been otherwise incapactiated. Good tool.

Fairly impractical, but if you absolutely need to kill a zombie in melee - this is the tool for you. Again, I've sold these in the past, and for under $2,000 USD you can get an 'authentic' (modern materials with traditional construction and folding techniques, resulting in a sword that is better then the originals from the master swordsmiths of fuedal Japan). Slightly harder to obtain, since most retailers don't keep the 'real' swords on-hand... you'll see a few katanas in stores if you look, but chances are that they're all decorative toys that wouldn't last through one real fight.

As we get into ranged weapons, this little bugger has some pretty good potential. Small, light, and requires very little maintenance. The usefulness is based on an extraction based on the nobrain = dead zombie factor; which indicates a functional nervous system of some kind. Even if zombies don't feel pain, the siganls can still be overloaded causing paralysis.

Easy to use and maintain. Ammunition is readily available. Headshots get the job done. Small, and useable in confined spaces.

Solid and scatter, thank you very much. Knockdown power is key, and at 10-20 feet, your chances of scoring a decap are pretty high. Scatter shells can help with crowd control. Makes a decent club if a zombie manages to sneak up on you from behind while you're blasting the others.

Much like the katana, this is the clear winner if you can get your hands on one. Were I able to make it out to Circle Pines, I know a gun range that happens to have a couple of P90's on-hand... light, compact, and a high magazine capacity to boot. Contrary to opinions founded on playing videogames: guns are very accurate - not just the ones built for sniping. Any SMG can put a single bullet exactly where you want it to go (a simple scope and a braced position will let you 'snipe' with an MP5).

To sum it all up, I'd be carrying a shotgun + shells (solid and scatter), a pistol + shells, an air-taser (shaped and proportioned much like a Glock, in case you didn't know), and some tools (knife, crowbar, camping hatchet). If they were available, I'd gladly add an assault weapon (SMG or assault rifle) to the mix, but I'd be hard-pressed to carry it all on my person all at once.
(Anonymous) on December 25th, 2004 02:52 am (UTC)
A large following
zombie readiness squads have been around for some time now including but not restricted to religious nuts, sadists, ex-military weirdos, and the generally paranoid/ The threat including Haitian voodoo zombies proven to exist, philosophical zombies, and classic re-animated dead. Anyone serious about zombie alert please contact me ASAP at my e-mail noah.whippie@verizon.net