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14 February 2004 @ 07:14 pm
It's things like this that make me sad for myself - especially if I am not allowed to feel sad for myself. I am supposed to keep a stiff upper lip, and realize that I am sad, lame, and a pathetic loser.

I spent most of today in bed or napping, because I felt head-cold sick. Not hungover, although I did go out drinking last night, where I managed to break my commitments to not smoking and not bitching about relationships in one fell swoop.

Happy fucking birthday to me.
Hoc Est Qui Sumusdiscoflamingo on February 14th, 2004 05:21 pm (UTC)
Basically, in order to date somebody, I have to lie about who I am, how I feel, and what kind of person I think I am. Thank you so much.
Hoc Est Qui Sumusdiscoflamingo on February 14th, 2004 05:23 pm (UTC)
These people don't help either.
Hoc Est Qui Sumus: Hmmm Ninjasdiscoflamingo on February 14th, 2004 05:28 pm (UTC)
Not Work Safe - I still have no fucking idea what this is (as in really, not what the words say), or why it exists.
masui on February 15th, 2004 07:13 am (UTC)
I'm pretty confused myself.

But, I think I've seen that artist's work before.

I also find that fact confusing.

Well, as misery loves company, I will tell you that I left my entire backpack with all my money in it for the month of Feb. on a shinkansen in a far-away city. I tell you this and it is true.
Abra SWcloudscudding on February 14th, 2004 06:42 pm (UTC)
I do agree with the thread that a lot of guys who claim to be "nice guys"...aren't. But don't necessarily see that themselves, and so are pissed off when women who say they want a nice guy don't want to date them. Furthermore, most women who say they want to date a nice guy don't mean they want to date any nice guy. And women are as prone as anyone else to be misled by "date face."
Hoc Est Qui Sumusdiscoflamingo on February 15th, 2004 07:07 pm (UTC)
What the fuck is "date face"?
Abra SWcloudscudding on February 15th, 2004 07:19 pm (UTC)
It's the whole "putting the best foot forward" thing that people do when meeting new people. Some people take "putting your best foot forward" to the extreme of actively giving an impression of themselves that is completely false.

Or it could be a product sold in a drugstore near you!
chesh on February 14th, 2004 06:55 pm (UTC)
The gist of that, as far as I got, is that people are pissed off about guys who claim to be "nice guys" and do not have any other redeeming characteristics, possibly including a lack of actual niceness.

Also, from a biological point of view, what our genes are really telling us to look for is a nice guy who'll take care of our kids and not want to fuck us too often so we can have kids with that strong attractive dude down the street and have a life with the nice guy (who'll take care of the kids). Of course, biological imperitives are bullshit, but whatever.
nettnessbondchick_nett on February 14th, 2004 07:54 pm (UTC)
now who said they're bullshit. that sounds right on the money to me! ;) XD
Hoc Est Qui Sumusdiscoflamingo on February 15th, 2004 07:09 pm (UTC)
You will note that I have trouble believing I have any redeeming characteristics.
chesh on February 20th, 2004 10:08 am (UTC)
Well, you're intelligent (a start), amusing (at least to those with a similarly twisted sense of humor) and yes, actually nice. You're not just nice, you've also got a working brain!
And a pulse, can't forget the pulse!

Laugh, damn you! It makes you feel better!
nettnessbondchick_nett on February 14th, 2004 07:58 pm (UTC)
honey? I can't see your leap from that post and thread (that sounds completely legit to me! guys like that really ick me out completely) to the kind of person you are. I think you're just looking for reasons to back up your own arguement no matter how unrelated they are to you.

You ARE a nice, cool guy. Or thats what you come across as! Stop beating yourself up and HAVE a happy birthday!

is it really your birthday..? serious..!??!

because if so:


:D :D :D :D :D :D

and lol we're all allowed to bitch about relationships, just not all the time! :D :D humans are bitching MACHINES!! we love it! we exist on it! its like breathing!


and spending the day napping... you know, that doesn't sound too evil to me! if I didn't have sooo much darn work to do I'd work by your example! :)
Hoc Est Qui Sumusdiscoflamingo on February 15th, 2004 07:09 pm (UTC)
My birthday was on the 13th, but I appreciate it :-)
nettnessbondchick_nett on February 15th, 2004 07:15 pm (UTC)
which is when I replied, wasn't it..?

oh wait, you're right, it wasn't! SORRY! :D D:

but it doesn't mean I don't or didn't mean it when I said it! :D :D

Josiah Carlsonchouyu_31 on February 15th, 2004 01:10 pm (UTC)
The trick, in all things, is to have some balance. You are only a 'sad, lame, and a pathetic loser' if you let yourself be. Blaming the fact that you have had relationship problems in the past, present, or future, on women (the species), instead of the women who were a part of the problem, is misdirected.

You also need to understand that the majority of relationship problems are the result of miscommunication. If the miscommunication is at the beginning with something like, "I'm sorry, I'm not interested", then consider yourself lucky, it is quite a bit better than, "I could have sworn that marriage implied monogomy".

Being honest and up front about your feelings, goes a long way toward not being misunderstood. Not being crazy-intense, goes a long way toward not being seen as a stalker. Being reasonable about your expectations of people, especially those who you are considering to be your mate, goes even farther.
Hoc Est Qui Sumusdiscoflamingo on February 15th, 2004 07:12 pm (UTC)
Having "relationship problems" would imply that there had been a relationship at all to have problems in.

My worst fear is that I'm not any better than most of these "nice guys" are. I don't have anything special to offer anybody over anyone else, which is nicely emphasized by my friends and their girlfriends/wives, most of whom have turned me down at some point in the past.
Josiah Carlsonchouyu_31 on February 16th, 2004 09:46 am (UTC)
Expressing your desire for a 'dating-like' relationship with another and being 'turned down', is a relationship problem, and can be categorized as a miscommunication. Had the other person understood the body language and conversation topic subtexts, then replied in a similar fashion that they were not interested, one doesn't need to revert to linguistic representations that end up hurting feelings more.

Honestly, I've only managed to catch the "I'm not interested" vibe once during my stay at Macalester. The other 4 times I was turned down, two were linguistic, one was finding out that the girl was a lesbian, and another was catching my roommate making out with the girl for a quarter ounce of weed.

On the other hand, I know of at least one "I'm interested" subtext that I experienced while at Mac, in which I was not able to properly communicate "I'm not interested" as a response. My suspicions were validated after graduation when the young lady told me, "I used to have the biggest crush on you." "I know." "You knew?" "I know everything." "But why didn't you do anything about it?" "I was involved with Annie."

"Fear is the mind-killer, I will face my fear, I will let it pass through me..." But back on topic...

You cannot honestly claim to have not been persued by at least one young lady. Now, the reasons behind your "turning down" of the young lady are yours, in a similar fashion to other ladies' "turning down" of you. cloudscudding made a good point when she suggested "putting your best foot forward", but that requires knowing and being honest with yourself about what you do/don't have going for you, which requires a difficult balance between self-doubt and self-respect.
Neosis: Closeupneosis on February 16th, 2004 08:44 pm (UTC)
Well in that case, there are precious few who do have something special. By definition it wouldn't be special if everyone had it right? So the rest of us have to make due with a lot of not-so-special qualities in different combinations.

I agree that that thread is simply depressing to anyone who thinks they might be a nice guy. For me, it was the mind-numbing inanity of whining about wanting a nice guy but not one's that too nice, or only think he's nice, or isn't handsome ... I simply couldn't bear to read anymore.

However, the high rate of turn-downs might be a result of bad technique (or timing) rather than any serious flaw. Unfortunately, I don't think I can help you there, I'm not very good at asking women out either. :(