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13 January 2004 @ 12:02 am
Zombie Readiness Exercise #1/4 - Bludgeoning Weapons  
Poll #232372 Zombie Readiness Exercise #1 - Bludgeoning Weapons

Of the following, which three weapons would you select in event of a zombie attack?

Baseball Bat (Wooden)
0(0.0%)
Baseball Bat (Aluminum)
3(8.3%)
Club (Not a Tree Branch)
0(0.0%)
Quarterstaff
0(0.0%)
Crowbar (Steel)
0(0.0%)
Crowbar (Titanium)
0(0.0%)
Tonfa (Lacquered wood)
1(2.8%)
Nunchaku (Lacquered wood)
0(0.0%)
Tree Branch (Not a Club)
0(0.0%)
Broom
1(2.8%)
Footman's Flail
1(2.8%)
Sledge Hammer
2(5.6%)
Police Baton / Billy Club
0(0.0%)
Brass Knuckles
1(2.8%)


This is the first in a series of polls to determine the readiness of those reading this journal to be first responders in the event of an attack by the Living Dead. For the purposes of this exercise, assume the following:

1. Zombies do not require oxygen or food to be mobile.
2. The only known desire of zombies is to devour the flesh of the living.
3. The "zombie trait/virus" is spread via biting and bodily fluid exchange.
4. A zombie can be rendered harmless (i.e. "dead") only by rendering its brain non-functional (i.e. If you rip the zombie in half about the torso, the top half will still be able to claw and bite you).
5. Zombies are not sentient creatures - they do not possess feelings, emotions, or memories.

When selecting your weapons, remember that only sufficient damage to cause death in a living human will be considerd enough to shatter the skull of a zombie with a blunt weapon, and ensure its destruction.
 
 
 
(Deleted comment)
Hoc Est Qui Sumusdiscoflamingo on January 13th, 2004 05:17 am (UTC)
That is a piercing weapon. Just wait.
la femme stygiangunn on January 12th, 2004 11:52 pm (UTC)
But what if I want to be a zombie?
Hoc Est Qui Sumusdiscoflamingo on January 13th, 2004 05:18 am (UTC)
Why exactly would you want to be a zombie like the type mentioned?
la femme stygiangunn on January 13th, 2004 10:35 am (UTC)
Doc-baby, a zombie of any type is my kinda zombie!
Hoc Est Qui Sumus: Devourdiscoflamingo on January 13th, 2004 10:38 am (UTC)
Something tells me you're not taking this seriously at all . . .
Josiah Carlsonchouyu_31 on January 13th, 2004 12:57 am (UTC)
Yeah, at first I was thinking, I'm good with my fists...then I'm like...wait a second, then my hands would get close to their heads, no good, stick with at least some sort of long weapon. A footman's flail is perfect - they don't move fast enough to avoid the imminent splatter.

In general, I prefer a tight-choke 10-gauge pump-action shotgun with a shitload of slug ammunition. If you're going to punch a hole in a rotting skull, do it with big hunk of lead.

My next choice would be an aluminum baseball bat, that ping of victory brings me back to my childhood days playing baseball. Ahh, to kill zombies again.
Angel needs no wings - just a duster & a hackysackcanth on January 13th, 2004 02:01 am (UTC)
heh..zombie killing...kind of like dinner at grandma's house on a friday night.

I like to think that my father having taught me a bit on how to use "nunchaku" or "chucks" to essentially incapacitate and then kill people would make this a likely weapon of choice..sides, the whole swinging and striking quickly and without mercy thing is satisfying to me.

as for the bat, well...i like aluminum too, but the wooden bat can be used as a long range kind of poke and stun/blugeoning kind of deal, and when i do shatter it eventually on someone's skull, i can use the sharp shards as stabbing/piercing weapons..so it's really two weapons in one.

my third weapon is a set of brass knuckles, well..i know somehow, someway, i'll end up having to backhand the occasional lucky bastard zombie that somehow slips through my defenses. yeah they're slow, but having seen one too many movie scenarios where the heroes always get overconfident and that one stupid looking zombie with the mohawk or the afro always ends up biting the heroes' ears off or something, i want to be prepared for those motherfuckers as well.

me, if i had it my way, i would be hiding a sawed off shotgun and tons of ammo under one of my dusters.

see ya at the zombie killfest!

masui on January 13th, 2004 03:46 am (UTC)
brass knuckles, but I don't really need them.


*turns undead*
Hoc Est Qui Sumusdiscoflamingo on January 13th, 2004 05:13 am (UTC)
Shit - I forgot about that tricky little power of yours . . .
thismuchmetal on January 13th, 2004 05:05 am (UTC)
Of course, that's why I'm never without my copy of this book:The Zombie Survival Guide : Complete Protection from the Living Dead
.

Hahahhah, what a great book. Be sure to read the user comments on amazon.com as well. These people are amazing.
Hoc Est Qui Sumusdiscoflamingo on January 13th, 2004 05:08 am (UTC)
I just got the book recently - it's the weirdest kind of funny I can imagine. I absolutely love it.
Yud: crazieyud on January 13th, 2004 07:37 am (UTC)
Now I know what I'm getting myself for the next gift-giving holiday. Thanks!

*checks his calendar* Hrm, I think I'll have to declare Martin Luther King Day a gift-giving holiday, just to be safe.
thismuchmetal on January 13th, 2004 05:08 am (UTC)
Also, I picked the things I picked because you never want to be in close quarters with a zombie. That automatically knocks out several things on your list there, with brass knuckles (although, my favorite weapon), OUT.
nettnessbondchick_nett on January 13th, 2004 05:22 am (UTC)
I was REALLY going to ask what ever happend to the old faithful shotgun. but I guess we're voting for the "oh-shit-I'm-outta-ammo-wtf-when-did-mrs-peterson-the-drycleaner-and-her-twenty-on-a-good-day-demon-spawn-become-zombies?!?" back up weapon...
elfdope on January 13th, 2004 06:25 am (UTC)
It should be noted that I was forced to take Aluminum bat, because I couldn't take "many wooden bats". Ideally I want a rack of like 50, or a quiver of batlohna, because there is nothing better than killing like 10 zombies with good old fashioned wood, and then on the last one busting the bat on its hard noggin. Finally using the finishing move of jabbing a busted off bat into a zombie's skull is the best.

That said the large 3 or 4 foot titanium crowbar is the only weapon you ever need.