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14 July 2005 @ 03:26 pm
I found this in my desk - from 1997  
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. ("Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews)

1. Squawk: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement" Reply: "Almost replaced left inside main tire"
2. Squawk: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough" Reply: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft"
3. Squawk: "The autopilot doesn't" Signed off: "IT DOES NOW"
4. Squawk: "Something loose in cockpit" Reply: "Something tightened in cockpit"
5. Squawk: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear" Reply: "Evidence removed"
6. Squawk: "Number three engine missing" Reply: "Engine found on right wing after brief search"
7. Squawk: "DME volume unbelievably loud" Reply: "Volume set to more believable level"
8. Squawk: "Dead bugs on windshield" Reply: "Live bugs on order"
9. Squawk: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent" Reply: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground"
10. Squawk: "IFF inoperative" Reply: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode"
11. Squawk: "Friction Locks cause throttle levers to stick" Reply: "That's what they're there for"

12. Squawk A:
"#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid"
Reply A: "#2 Propeller seepage normal"
Squawk B: "#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage"
 
 
 
Hillarysusanofstohelit on July 14th, 2005 09:26 pm (UTC)
Very funny. I printed it out for the engineers here - although they'd get in trouble for this stuff.
lyght on July 14th, 2005 10:45 pm (UTC)

Nice.
lio on July 15th, 2005 01:56 am (UTC)
There are actually a few more to this list! I'm a pilot, so I get all the aviation jokes via email... Here's the additions:

13. Squawk: "Aircraft handles funny." Reply: "Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious."
14. Squawk: "Target radar hums." Reply: "Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics."
15. Squawk: "Mouse in cockpit." Reply: "Cat installed."
16. Squawk: "Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer." Reply: "Took hammer away from midget."
glitchphil on July 15th, 2005 03:53 am (UTC)
Oh man, all the squawks so far are hilarious.

Reminds me of 213 Things Skippy Can't Do
(Deleted comment)
Nightwalkerhalfawake on July 16th, 2005 11:14 pm (UTC)
Thanks, that was quite amusing.