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14 July 2004 @ 11:13 am
Weekend re-cap  
The wedding on Saturday was interesting - it was a lovely service, with a homily by one of our church's former pastors (who is also a professor at Concordia). It was weird to go to the wedding of somebody you were once very close to (and have not said more than ten words to in six years) and meet the person they decided to marry (after turning him down 5 times [?]) who you have never met before. We have nothing in common much anymore, besides the basic human things and our history, and I was very much in the furthest-back of the audience (not likely to say more than the reception-line congratulations).

Most of the people there would probably not like to hear what I've been up to since I left the church, both figuratively and literally. But it's also not that I think they're wrong - I think my church at home had it better than most churches I've heard about.

It was a promise I made a long time ago, to be there at her wedding, and I don't regret it - I just don't understand why I did it. I don't understand what I'm supposed to come away from it with. That and the usual post-wedding depression that I usually have, and it wasn't that great a weekend, since I'm also trying to quit smoking.

I've gone almost a week, with a couple stumbles. It's just FYI, not laying down the law - I think I have the will to do this long haul, but I may take breaks from it to keep myself sane. I'm patching, but this may be the wrong week for it - test equipment keeps breaking down at work with the new hardware changes, and I wasted more than half my day in the lab because of two bad calibrations and a messed-up bootloader.
 
 
Current Music: Something from the Spiderman soundtrack (hero something)
 
 
 
(Deleted comment)
Hillarysusanofstohelit on July 15th, 2004 02:12 pm (UTC)
you've done better than I. I have (maybe) two or three friends from hs that I still occasionally communicate with. and I mean once a year. the people I consider friends who're my parents' friends too, more often, but not exceptionally.

instead of trying to get amery to accept the changes in me, I tend to avoid it. I'm not going to my five year reunion, for instance. you try a lot harder than I do in this area.

hate to be annoying, but you know how I am about smoking. it's always going to be a bad time to quit and it's always going to be insanely difficult. something will always be happening with work, or roommates, or friends. if I were going to be really mean I'd say you're using that as a crutch. but that's not fair to you.

want to have dinner or something soonish?
Hoc Est Qui Sumusdiscoflamingo on July 15th, 2004 02:42 pm (UTC)
Not after the crack about it being a crutch (kidding).
Mostly it's how much work I have to do that becomes completely worthless. Not because I messed up, but because of circumstances outside of my control (like a bad boot block, a miscalibrated sensor array, and a fucked up test station all in the same day). Things have not gotten any better today, and the stress is bothering me much more than normal.

I don't have plans to quit smoking for anybody; I'll quit when I'm ready to quit. If people want to be bitches about it, they can be bitches about it - I can't be bothered to care.

And work has me booked pretty solid for the next few weeks, so I wouldn't expect any time slots opening up soonish.
though she be but little, she is fiercehilabeans on July 15th, 2004 08:02 pm (UTC)
I know how you feel about the wedding. My best friend from 4th through 8th grade got married last month, and I went to the wedding and mostly hung out with Allison, who was Megan's (the bride) best friend before I was. Neither of us had anything to talk to Megan about, and she seemed to feel the same way... despite the fact that she just finished her first year of law school and I'm working on applying.

There are two kinds of people when it comes to the ones you were once close to: those with whom the closeness returns after less than 5 minutes of chatting and you almost feel like there was never a gap, and those with whom your former closeness seems to make communication even harder.

Don't let weddings depress you. I'm not sure being married is all that great. Crazy as it sounds, weddings make me feel both relieved and scared - relieved that I'm not the one getting married, scared that I'll be next. (You should have seen Allison and I reluctantly dragging ourselves onto the dance floor for the bouquet toss...)

Also, good luck with quitting smoking. I've seen how tough it can be. The fact that you're trying is a big step in itself, even if it doesn't happen right away or if you backslide a little.